Sharp and blinding like a dozen needles thrown into a million eyeballs the insistent caterpillar crawls with its bladed legs into the flesh, digging around. But it isn't a caterpillar, it's your destiny, and it's eating you alive like a fifth grader with a sack of Halloween candy. Under the table the coffee grounds rot and gather life discouragingly, a bitter wad of rebellion, a loogey hocked in the face of human perceptions of the vast dominion of death. They seem unable to perceive that the living spirit of life infests everything, including death, so why not stop fearing and return to the dance? The sickening crunch of injury becomes sickening no more if you only embrace it, and the benefits to your own ability to deal with injury as as nothing compared to the ecstacy of inflicting it. The sheer kinetic flex and feel of violence is purity, is life, is the essence of existence distilled to a few moments of pure and perfect will. Distilled power forced from your own blood and sweat condensed drawn forth channeled into the hand, into the knife, into the muscles, and the power vents itself, showing the shower of perfect redness as proof of your success, of the sanctity of the dance. The circle continues unabated no matter your attempts to stop it, seal it away. I wish I could run free with the wolves and coyotes, but my Indian dog will have to do. I can't wait until it's time to go. She will understand me far better than any human could, and even better than the cats, though not by nearly so great a ratio, of course. Indeed, the cats know me well. But it's not the same ... not much longer now. The weekend after Thanksgiving. Then, for another fifteen years, I won't be alone. I wish I could find away to make it live longer. I haven't even met it yet and I'm already dreading when it leaves me. I suppose that's the purpose of Before -- to make you do all the stuff you'd normally waste doing in Now, so you can just enjoy Now when it happens. Nevermind that it's always Now. Forget it. I want to return to the ceaseless life-and-death dance of the hindbrain. This semiconscious anticipation is too tantalizing for me. Might as well fantasize about winning the lottery, won't make it happen now.
Fire splits the sky as the hunger bares its teeth and roars, rising forth from its nest, fanning its scaled wings as it casts its senses forth across the living land. Seeking prey, it beats its wings and rises into the air circling above the sky in the planetplace feeling the voice of the stars on its back, it glides down to the clouds and rests a moment, craning its neck to smell down below. The prey herd uses its far seers to spot the circling predator and they ready their small defenses, but he opens his jaws and death issues forth in coiling masses, and his teeth follow rapidly, snapping through the humans and tearing their bodies apart. It gluts on the blood, flowing blood, liquid of life, red and hot, bright and smart, essence of strength. Prowling forth it continues on its way, ripping and tearing, planting and growing as it goes. One day it found a banana and peeled it, and a demon burst forth, bringing pestilence. The reptile one snarled in surprise and lunged at the demon, intending to tear out its throat, purify its carcass in the clean snow, and devour its energies. But the demon laughed and giggled, the demon dissolved into the mist, orange eyes mocking, staring, stealing. The hunger was enraged, and flew forth again, seeking the demon.
Into the wild head forth with a spear and a knife stutter into the abyss clinging onto the baying doe as it dies life floods the jaws heat shudders across the frame the man dies ripping into the flesh with the jaws crush the skin, muscle, ribs, sternum Smash through tear the lungs out chew, rend open, look at the tiny structures amazing intricate mystery of the lungs yum crush the heart in the jaws cruch, crunch, yay digging through, tunneling digging through endless oxygenated layers of living, bleeding, flexing flesh an endless chamber of food and torture devour destroy consume where does it end? never yum fight back against the ruiner consumer destroyer ruin consume destroy delicious ecstacy of monstrosity find your own way home